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CONFESSIONS OF A COWARD

"I'm like Indiana Jones—I ain't afraid a nuthin' 'cept snakes." This used to be my token answer when asked about my fears. Every day brings new examples of how wrong I was. I'm deathly afraid of decisions, or rather making the wrong choice when faced with a decision. I would sit in a small dark corner for weeks if I thought it would bring insight that would turn all my deductions into flawless answers.

Right now I'm ankle-high in the realm of "adulthood" trying to plan my life and career all while attempting to ace a college algebra test. Stresses abound with the clouds of choices that are kin to all those heavy subjects. Don't let anyone fool you—It's not such a grand time. I look at my classmates and I see a trend of ambivalence. I've been tempted more than once to ignore my problems like they seem to do. I justify my cowardice by claiming that a non-choice is less harmful than a wrong choice. There is a huge kink in my reasoning though. While it may be less harmful than going wrong, it is far more harmful than going forward in what is right. I let my fear keep me from even trying. It's a deep, intense paralyzing fear that morphs my future into a huge spear waiting to impale me.

Whenever a person shows signs of cowardice, they are viewed either with disgust or pity, but I don't think God sees it like that. I'm reminded of Joshua 1:9. It's not a chuck on the chin with a "Pull it together, kid" message. I have this picture in my mind of Christ taking me by the shoulders and looking into my eyes and saying "Who is this frightened little mouse? This is not who I have designed you to be! My word tells you: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified and do not be discouraged for I (The Lord your God) am with you."

Know who you were purposed to be. Seek His plan for your life. Don't you dare let fear paralyze you. There might be so much you forfeit if you do. Do not be terrified, and do not be discouraged for the Lord your God is with you.
- Melissa Miles
September 2002
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